DURHAM, N.C.— Durham fraternity members are reportedly “deeply frustrated” by toga-clad students swarming Greek life events. Various East Campus RAs caught sight of the alleged party crashers wearing “nothing but bedsheets” near Southgate and Gilbert-Addoms. This tragic misinterpretation has left Duke’s freshmen class reeling.
“I’m mortified,” expressed Sam Johnson (Trinity ‘28), “A frat guy asked me to ‘name a brother’ and I didn’t know what to do. I…” he sobbed, “I said Aristotle.”
Another toga victim, Anthony Garcia (Trinity ‘28), recounted his harrowing experience at an Alpha Tau Omega (ATO) party: “I’ve been passionate about Greek philosophy my whole life. When I came to campus and saw upperclassmen in Kappa Alpha and Pi Kappa Phi shirts, I told my mom I finally found my people. I showed up to ATO barefoot and wrapped in my bed sheets. I didn’t even make it inside before everyone started laughing at me. It was humiliating. I cried the whole way home in my stupid toga.”
Two months in, the hoards of white bedding continue to plague freshman campus. According to upperclassmen, these unfortunate misunderstandings are not well-received.
“It really tarnishes the image of our organization,” Tyler Brooks (Pratt ‘24) lamented, “Alpha Tau Omega organizes elaborate themed events. I mean, look at me.”
Brooks paused and gestured to his plain collared shirt, “Tonight’s theme is obviously Y2K. Those sheet dresses are a pathetic excuse for a costume. You think they’d get the message by now.”
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