DURHAM, NC — This past Thursday, a great phenomenon that stands unmatched in Duke’s history occurred on the now-monumental Bryan Center Plaza.
“It was so insane,” exclaimed witness Amy Bartz (Pratt ‘26), still starstruck. “I had to stop myself from crying while I was watching it because I didn’t want the tears to prevent me from seeing more.” Another bystander, Paul Archer (Trinity ‘25), declared “This is what makes life worth living. These are the moments.”
Not everyone was fortunate enough to be so pleased by the spectacle. One student in the onlooking crowd broke three bones when the spectators began jumping for joy at the sight, with one landing harshly on the victim’s foot. Another student’s arm was dislocated after a short girl behind him who said he was ‘blocking her view’ yanked his arm downward in an attempt to bring him lower. Both victims, who wish to remain anonymous, took their injuries in stride, releasing a joint statement saying “Ultimately, we understand the excitement. We are fortunate to even be discussed in relation to what happened. These wounds are perhaps our greatest accomplishments.”
The spontaneous event drew a crowd of over 550 students, and classes were canceled across campus – “The professors said they were doing it so we could watch, but I saw one of mine stiff-arm a student to get on the C1” reported Aken Cartwright (Trinity ‘27) whose ‘Human Rights and Why They Matter’ course on East was promptly dismissed.
Unfortunately, not all students were able to witness the historic moment. CAPS reported the number of students seeking their services skyrocketed in the aftermath of the phenomenon, although they explain part of those numbers also come from students who witnessed the moment and who subsequently sank into deep depression, “knowing the best moment of their life had already happened.”
Thankfully, not all hope is lost: The moment was caught on video. In it, one can see Duke’s newest hero, Carson Mendes (Pratt ‘25), mounting a stationary BC Plaza bicycle. With each push of his powerful, muscular legs, a heavenly tone emits from the bicycle. The crowd begins to gather, although they stand in silence so as not to interrupt the sacred ritual. Mendes pedals faster, head bent downward in concentration.
“I knew what I had to do. It was pressure I’d never felt before, but at the same time, I’ve never been more at peace. It was what I was meant to do” explained Mendes.
As Mendes begins to tire, the crowd erupts in cheers, clapping raucously. Sobbing can be heard. When the hero dismounts, he collapses to the ground. Onlookers lift his body above their heads and carry him toward WU before laying him down on the cold tile floor. Mint water is dabbed upon Mendes’s forehead, and a single Il Forno breadstick is placed in his limp, blistered hand. A basketball player kisses his ankles, and, with that, the crowd disperses.
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