Duke student who already finished all her work for the semester asks what else she can do

SOCIAL SCIENCES—Duke student Molly Schaefer (Trinity ‘24) has bravely finished all her homework assignments for the semester. When asked for comment on this groundbreaking achievement, Schaefer said “I just really want to know what else I can do. I’m researching the solution to income inequality on the side, but I’m definitely getting bored out here.”

“How did she even finish it all before I assigned it?” said Professor Smith, who has Schaefer for Econ 201, when asked for comment. Foaming at the mouth, Schaefer replied, “Simple. I created a teaching algorithm that estimates with 98% success what the next assignment will be, and I do that.”

Professor Smith simply shrugged, saying “Maybe work on…a social life?” Schaefer must have forgotten the moniker “work hard, play hard” and simply went with “work hard.”

Schaefer isn’t alone in her preparedness. The Pew Research Center found that at least 45% of the Duke student body are “total NARPS that get no play haha.”