DURHAM, N.C. — Worried about running into that not-so-special someone when your parents come to visit this weekend? We’ve all been there. You’re walking past the chapel as your mom takes 839 photos to post to Facebook and your dad pretends to understand what he’s paying 90k a year for, and there they are, waving at you. Whether it’s what’s-her-face from last Friday, your on-again, off-again FWB, or the guy you ghosted after he sent you a gif (ick), the Fluke is here to help you find an appropriate way to introduce this character to the family.
Your “Friend From a Group Project”
This is a classic move. You toss out a quick, "Hey! This is [insert their name], we’ve worked on a project together," while praying your voice doesn’t crack. Your parents will nod, impressed by your "collaborative" academic life, while your “friend” stands there awkwardly, knowing full well that studying wasn’t exactly what was happening. The good news is you’ll both walk away with your dignity mostly intact.
The "Distract Your Parents" Tactic
Before the awkward interaction even happens, quickly steer your parents’ attention elsewhere. Point to something random in the distance, such as a particularly fascinating squirrel or the stupid bikes on BC Plaza, and engage them in a conversation so distracting that they never even notice the person trying to wave at you. It’s not foolproof, but if you’re fast and convincing, you might just pull it off.
The "I’m Sorry, Who Are You?" Power Play
If you’re feeling bold: stare at them, tilt your head, and say, "Sorry, do we know each other?" This is likely emotionally crippling for them, but it puts the ball firmly in their court. If they play along and don’t call you out, you’ve successfully established dominance in the interaction. But be warned, this move has a high potential for backfire. Use with caution.
The "Cousin Card"
If you want to go full
-in on deception, introduce them as a “distant cousin” from out of state or out of town. This is a low-risk, high-reward move because it explains why you’ve never mentioned them before and makes things weirdly wholesome. However, this tactic relies on each parent's hatred of their inlaws to ensure they never learn the truth.
“Don’t”
Pretend not to see them and gaslight your parents when they try to let you know that someone is waving at you. Is this the best option? Definitely not. You saw them, they saw you, there’s no denying it… Unless there is? But let’s be honest, this is probably what you’re going to do anyway.
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