The Fluke News Staff
Dianne Feinstein tries running for senate as Fianne Deinstein
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after announcing she will not run for reelection in 2024, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) has thrown her hat...
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The Fluke News Staff
Mar 28, 20231 min read
DMV Unbans LGBT+ License Plates, Rebans Gay Marriage
DURHAM, NC—The North Carolina DMV has taken a massive stride in championing the LGBTQ+ cause. “Honestly, this is the next Stonewall,”...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 28, 20231 min read
Insidious Marketplace Blueberry leads to great 48 hour struggle
EAST CAMPUS—After eating a seemingly normal breakfast, an unsuspecting first-year student experienced a grueling 2 day ordeal as a result...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 9, 20231 min read
“I love fossil dating:” Archeologists, Sugar Babies Bond Over Shared Interest
NEW ORLEANS, LA—Hotel staffers hosting the annual Fossil Dating Convention sponsored by the Archeological Institute of America (AIA) were...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 9, 20232 min read
Kamala Harris claims she also has classified documents in desperate attempt to feel included
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President Kamala Harris claimed last week she is the latest in a line of government officials to have classified...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 9, 20231 min read
HRL reveals Hollows named after how students are supposed to feel at Duke
DURHAM, NC—Following the 5th sinkhole-related death in 300 Swift this academic year, Duke HRL has moved on from the years-long project of...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 9, 20231 min read
Duke introduces new McKinsey major to streamline consulting pipeline
DURHAM, NC—Trinity College of Arts & Sciences has announced that it will be offering a McKinsey Concentration under the newly-created...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 7, 20232 min read
Duke Engage changes name to Duke Marriage Pact to get more submissions
DURHAM, N.C.—As Valentine’s Day drew closer, DukeEngage director Frelinda Mench found herself receiving dozens of confusing emails. “At...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 7, 20231 min read
Duke ecologists declare philosophy majors to be endangered
DURHAM, NC—When observing the health of an ecosystem, researchers look for an indicator species, any organism that, for whatever reason,...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 7, 20231 min read
Mysterious Squirrel Attacks linked to ADPhi Rabies Outbreak
DURHAM, NC––The shrieks of squirrels and students alike have recently echoed through Abele Quad at night, and Duke University Hospital...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
Biden: “The East Palestine train wreck proves the workers who run it don’t deserve to unionize”
WASHINGTON, DC—This week, a train derailed in East Palestine, Ohio, creating an ecological disaster that will harm the health and...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
Student with infectious personality finally quarantined
DURHAM, NC—Duke Health is proud to announce that after years of tireless searching, medical professionals have finally isolated Alyssa...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
BREAKING: Student good at sports betting—and keeps it to themself
DURHAM, NC—For the first time in recorded history, a Duke student has kept quiet after successfully betting on the Super Bowl. Luke...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20232 min read
Slay! This female serial killer murders small children and big stereotypes
LAS VEGAS, NV—A new serial killer in the Las Vegas area is drawing heavy media attention. Lacey Gray, 34, has allegedly murdered 16 young...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
Op-ed: My roommate dropped a grape on the ground. Is he going to pick it up?
My spirit is broken. The title is a misnomer. I already know the answer. It’s no. It’s not like he doesn’t know it’s there. Move-in...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
In desperate fundraising email, Pelosi promises donors “teensy bit” of insider trading information
DURHAM, NC––In an effort to fundraise for the 2024 midterm, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi promised to reveal a “teensy bit” of...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
Following Me Too movement, Wannamaker renamed Wannaconsenter
DURHAM, NC––In a stunning move, following the recommendation of a university equity committee and President Vincent E. Price, Duke...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
Elon Musk OWNS Twitter liberals by mowing down family of five with Cybertruck
AUSTIN, Texas—Elon Musk proved the haters wrong once again by showing just how safe Tesla Cybertrucks are. After locating the perfect...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20232 min read
A Candid Interview with an Air Force 1
THE BARN—Fluke Investigative contributor Cameron Jruikshonk met with one of the top Duke Forces, Mr. Eugene Forty, in this special...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
“The most fun you’ll never want to have again!” says SNU Pledge missing eye, finger
DURHAM, NC—It is once again that time of year; despite Duke’s best efforts, fraternities and sororities have successfully executed spring...
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