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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 24, 20191 min read
Freshman unsure where to sit in marketplace, as if we’re not all slowly dying
MARKETPLACE, EAST CAMPUS—Sources report that freshman Rick Kleinman is anxiously searching both Marketplace dining rooms for a familiar...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 20, 20191 min read
Student suggests that Duke needs to score more points than UNC does
DURHAM, NC—Duke senior Jake Lopez, who has been a Duke fan since “before I was born” has a radical theory on how Duke can win. According...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 16, 20191 min read
Girl blowing Juul smoke into sweatshirt worried she's "too addicted to her work"
PERKINS LIBRARY—Junior Izzy Johnson, exhaling smoke from her Juul e-cigarette into her sweatshirt at a table in Perkins Library, worried...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 16, 20191 min read
Pee-checks: I don’t get it, but if it's what the tent needs...
K-VILLE—Like many Duke students, I am a bit apprehensive about tonight’s pee-checks. Truly, I don’t get it: why do the line monitors need...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 12, 20191 min read
After getting into their top choice, SLG rushee now vocally opposes the rush process
ALSPAUGH DORM, EAST CAMPUS—A mere two weeks after accepting a bid in Maxwell House, Duke first-year Cindy Ridley is taking a hard stance...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 10, 20191 min read
Econ major goes out every Wednesday, justifies it as networking
SHOOTERS II SALOON—The next generation of Duke-accredited Econ majors have discovered a brilliant new way to network: becoming sloppily...
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Jen Smith, Columnist
Feb 7, 20192 min read
Op-ed: Low income students, just ask your dad for more money
DURHAM, NC—There’s been a lot of discussion on campus in the past few days about the social, academic, and health effects that low...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 4, 20191 min read
Duke to get rid of West, East campuses
DURHAM, NC—In a recent announcement, Duke administrators announced their plans to move students off of its East and West campuses....
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 31, 20191 min read
Closed windows prompt students to smoke marijuana directly into fire alarms
WEST CAMPUS, DUKE UNIVERSITY—Students have responded to the sealing of residential windows on West Campus by blowing marijuana smoke...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 28, 20191 min read
Freshman stroking nugget unsure at what point stresses will go away
ABELE QUAD—Despite petting Nugget for a good three minutes, freshman Kate Davis is still unsure at what point her stresses will go away....
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 21, 20191 min read
Senior determined to have sex with the stacks to fulfill "unofficial graduation requirements"
PERKINS LIBRARY—In a frenzy to complete her “unofficial graduation requirements,” Duke senior Jenna Marks is determined to have sex with...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 17, 20191 min read
Op-ed: Duke needs to divest from your mom
DURHAM, NC—I understand that Duke has financial interests in maintaining its current investments, but as an engaged citizen I feel that...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 17, 20191 min read
Kim Cates responds to town hall about concern over playlist at Shooters II
SHOOTERS II SALOON—Headed to Shooters this weekend? There's a lot to look forward to - they’re blasting the same music you know and owner...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 17, 20191 min read
Tre Jones out indefinitely for Duke men's basketball after head in the game but heart in the song
CAMERON STADIUM—Starting point guard Tre Jones may be unable to play with the Blue Devils for the rest of the season after revealing that...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 17, 20191 min read
Freshman rushing RDU
NC 147-S—Fraternity and sorority rush season is officially here, which means students across campus such as freshman Joe Green are...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 17, 20191 min read
Duke study shows new form of colorblindness that prevents frat brothers from seeing non-pastel color
DURHAM, NC—A recent Duke study conducted by Dr. Pyotr McAdams has revealed a novel form of colorblindness that prevents the afflicted...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 17, 20191 min read
Duke Dining ranked #1 for fifth year in a row by Duke University
DURHAM, NC—Duke University announced today that, for the fifth year in a row, the prestigious Duke Dining has been ranked #1 for college...
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