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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 7, 20191 min read
Girl puts “Be kind” in her Instagram bio, gets nominated for Nobel Peace Prize
DURHAM, NC—In a stunning act of courage, local self-described activist Megan Smith has added the phrase “Be kind” to her bio. This has...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 6, 20191 min read
Sophomores: not soft enough?
DURHAM, NC—You touched these guys? Pillows, puppies, peaches, these things all have one thing in common—they start with “p.” Sophomores?...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 5, 20191 min read
Breitbart to hold recruitment session on Gothicc Duke Confessions’ Facebook page
DURHAM, NC—Following a stream of alt-right and homophobic posts on the Gothicc Duke Confessions Facebook page, news media outlet...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 4, 20191 min read
Heartbreaking: C1X stuck behind normal C1
DURHAM, NC—In a shocking turn of events, this morning’s C1X, or C1 Express, somehow ended up behind the C1 and was forced to make nearly...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 3, 20191 min read
Students spell out entire Communist Manifesto in dorm window with sticky notes
DURHAM, NC—By now you’ve probably noticed the oft-imitated “NUT” in a crowell dorm window. But no student has taken it quite as far as...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 30, 20191 min read
Freshman ready to be anything but himself for Halloween
EAST CAMPUS—Halloween season is approaching and no one is more excited than current freshman James Young, who is ready to dress up and...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 29, 20191 min read
“Being a cat for Halloween is so basic,” complains boy wearing jersey for 4th consecutive year
DURHAM, NC—Local fraternity member Chad Holt bravely spoke out against a popular girl’s Halloween costume: being a cat. “It’s just that...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 28, 20191 min read
Uh oh: Proud dad doesn’t know if he should clap after Nazi song in Cabaret
DURHAM, NC—In the final performance of Hoof N’ Horn’s fall show, Cabaret, Junior Melissa Silot gave a powerful rendition of ‘Tomorrow...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 25, 20191 min read
DILF alert: parents' weekend is here
DURHAM, NC—As the annual parents' weekend commences, people across Durham are ready to spot some serious Daddies on campus. The DILFs...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 24, 20191 min read
Culturally sensitive white boy says Sazón, Il Forno in proper accents
DURHAM, NC—Wokeness alert! A local white boy was spotted flexing his cultural awareness this afternoon in the middle of West Union....
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 23, 20191 min read
Duke vows to “pop caps” in mental illness
Durham, NC—As part of the university’s plan to combat mental illness on campus, a Duke University official vehemently stated that the...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20191 min read
Report: Even white friend thinks your self deprecating jokes about your race are "a little too much"
DURHAM, NC—While you have been using stereotypes of your own race to fit into your white friend group, your latest rounds of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 21, 20191 min read
Start ‘Em Young: Shooters bus now stopping at Durham Public Schools
DURHAM, NC—Following the success of the Shooters bus stops at Duke, the popular bar has decided to extend its services to Durham Public...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20191 min read
Somebody tooted…
DURHAM, NC—This past week some little stinker let a little stinker slip out. Oopsie! Bad smell, guys! My buddy asked me, “Who ripped...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 17, 20191 min read
Woke king always asks for consent, just doesn’t take no for an answer
DURHAM, NC—The rise of the Me Too movement has inspired local feminist Charlie Nicholls to begin respectfully asking women for consent....
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 16, 20191 min read
Professor disappointed as all students pass “I&E 252: Learning to Fail”
DURHAM, NC—Since its inception, Duke’s notorious “Learning to Fail” class has successfully taught hundreds of students the complex art of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 15, 20191 min read
The Short List: Here’s what’s not going on this week
DURHAM, NC—Sources are reporting that there is not likely to be a solar eclipse this week. The election is 56 weeks away, which also...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 10, 20191 min read
Op-ed: Is he attractive or just unavailable?
DURHAM, NC—Often times, it’s important to take a step back and reevaluate: is that guy really your dream man, or is he just unavailable...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 9, 20191 min read
Opinion: Keep choking sea turtles with plastic because they too have sexual urges
DURHAM, NC—Amidst the recent fight to save sea turtles from plastic pollution, I dare ask this: have you asked the sea turtles if they...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 4, 20191 min read
Performing arts has found a new home: the Blackwell Arch
DURHAM, NC—Following successful DUI and Pitchforks shows, Blackwell House Council President, Thomas Spafford, announced their new plan to...
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