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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 28, 20201 min read
Report: Everyone does hate you, but hey, at least you were right!
DURHAM, NC—You may occasionally worry everyone around you actually hates you. Maybe they’re all pretending to like you as some kind of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 28, 20201 min read
Q&A: Mirecourt rushee excited to fear own living space
DURHAM, NC— As rush season concludes, Duke students are often left with questions regarding the process. How do deliberations work? Who...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 28, 20201 min read
Virgin takes all the free condoms from the Wellness Center “just in case”
WELLNESS CENTER, WEST CAMPUS — Trinity sophomore and virgin Richard Johnson was spotted taking all of the Wellness Center’s free condoms,...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 22, 20201 min read
"I'm just here with my friends," says first-year who would kill a small child to get into Cooper
CROWELL EE–First-year rushee Becky Briggs has been telling both herself and others that she isn’t really serious about rush, because...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 20, 20201 min read
Despite commitment to diversity, sorority has no Geminis
DURHAM, NC — Amidst the chants and half-hearted embraces with their new sisters, the key three sororities welcomed their latest pledge...
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The Fluke News Staff
Dec 4, 20191 min read
Man supports times up, but wouldn't mind being catcalled himself
DURHAM, NC— Sophomore Justin Blanco told his friend on Tuesday that while he’s “all for” the cause of Times Up, he personally “won’t...
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The Fluke News Staff
Dec 3, 20191 min read
Update: He doesn't like you, he genuinely just likes playing Cup Pong
DURHAM, NC — Sources confirm that local heartbreaker Mason Cooper’s constant Cup Pong requests, often mistaken for flirtation and actual...
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The Fluke News Staff
Dec 2, 20192 min read
Official: Which puppy is worst?
BIOLOGICAL SCIENCES BUILDING, WEST CAMPUS –– It’s official. After almost three months of puppy fever, the six Canine Cognition Center...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 28, 20191 min read
Thanks-awkward! My girlfriend is a turkey
Yes, mom, my girlfriend is a turkey today. Is that so wrong? Why can’t she just dress in a thematically appropriate way for our dinner?...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 27, 20191 min read
Turkey pardoned this year was a war criminal
When will this administration realize it’s going too far? This Thanksgiving, the president used the pardon traditionally given to a...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 26, 20191 min read
“Marketplace workers are so rude,” complains student who has never worked a day in his life
EAST CAMPUS–While many freshman complain about the repetitive, bland food served at Marketplace, one brave freshman, Cameron Day, has...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20191 min read
Guy in SAE gets suspenders
DURHAM, NC — Y’all know Henry Thaubert? He got suspenders. Pinstriped. Pretty cool.
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 21, 20191 min read
Opinion: Enough leaning in. Let's tell men to lean out. Of windows.
DURHAM, NC— The recent New York Times article asking men to “lean out” and reflect on their responsibility in pushing for gender equality...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 20, 20191 min read
BREAKING: The Duke Chapel bell player is not a hunchback
DUKE CHAPEL — after spotting him out on the town, Junior Winston Lang claims that, despite public information, the Duke Chapel bell...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 19, 20191 min read
The floor is lava (and by lava we mean a mixture of beer, glitter, and urine)
DURHAM, NC — Multiple Duke fraternities have recently devised a fun twist on 2017’s viral “the floor is lava” game. It’s a trend that’s...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 17, 20191 min read
Ableist scum presses handicapped button to get into WU
DURHAM, NC — As he walked into West Union, Steven Bland (P ‘21) was shocked to see a young, physically able man press the automatic...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 15, 20191 min read
Opinion: Guys, I’m sooooo drunk
SHOOTERS II — You may see me at Shooters right now, and you may be intimidated by my sloppy dancing and rowdy behavior. You may have...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 13, 20192 min read
Joker: Not enough jokes?
DURHAM,NC - Fans say it’s one of the best comic book films since the Dark Knight and critics are praising it as Oscar-worthy. For those...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 11, 20191 min read
Legacy parent sure their kid would have gotten in anyway
EAST CAMPUS— The parents of first-year Amadea Bock of Rye, New York, expressed on Monday that they were pretty sure their daughter would...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 8, 20191 min read
Duke opens Canine Cognition Center to lessen the load on CAPS
DURHAM, NC—Rather than hiring more trained personnel, extending hours, or tackling the source of the University’s mental health crisis,...
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