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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20241 min read
University builds tent for DKU students after Epworth pipe burst
DURHAM, N.C.— A recent pipe burst in Epworth Residence Hall left dozens of DKU students without a home just days before the start of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
Telling your friends that Duke is ranked over Penn is good for you. Here's how to do it best.
Leading up to September 24, Duke students anticipated this year’s USNWR college rankings with bated breath. If Duke went up, they would...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20241 min read
Student Nominated for Oscar After Mastering “Forgot My Wallet” Face at Hurricane Relief Table
DURHAM, N.C.—Emilio Branson (T ‘26) was nominated for an Academy Award after a gut-wrenchingly beautiful performance of “I Forgot My...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
MLB Postseason underway, your annoying roommate sucks even more now
It’s the middle of the Championship Series. Unfortunately, your New York roommate can’t stop talking about how he really wants to see the...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20241 min read
Ex-racist Duke student found ‘not guilty’ after reporting having Black neighbors
DURHAM, N.C.—Following a three-week trial surrounding the claim that he is racist, Chad Gates (T ‘27) was released last Monday after a...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
Econ 101 student suggests placing tariffs on deported immigrants to maximize trade surplus
DURHAM, N.C.— Innovation is commonplace at Duke. The Duke community strives to uplift new ideas and graduate prepared to change the...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
Duke announces plan to brag about Ed Sheeran concert for the next 100 years
DURHAM, NC — Duke University President Vincent Price announced on Saturday a new signature initiative aimed at constantly reminding...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
CSGD unveils The Sisteronian Societea for right-leaning members
DURHAM, NC—In response to growing anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment and action within the right-leaning organization The Ciceronian Society, the...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
Devils deck DJ to be replaced by chapel bell rendition of “Mr. Brightside”
DURHAM, NC — Beginning in the 2025 season, music for Duke’s football games will be provided by none other than the campus’s very own...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
Bikes on BC Plaza make statement that cycling infrastructure is in fact going nowhere
DURHAM, NC—In a win for mobility advocates on campus, stationary bikes have been installed on Bryan Center Plaza. Duke University has...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
Biden Declares Intention to be Obama's Running Mate
WASHINGTON D.C.– President Joseph R. Biden officially confirmed last night that he was former President Barack Obama’s vice president and...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
5 Ways To Introduce Your Situationship When You Run into Them With This Parents Weekend
DURHAM, N.C. — Worried about running into that not-so-special someone when your parents come to visit this weekend? We’ve all been there....
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
“They fixed it all”: Duke Provost’s Forum on the Middle East prompts United Nations to disband
NEW YORK, NY—The Secretary-General of the United Nations, António Guterres, has announced the dissolution of the nearly eight-decade-old...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 20, 20242 min read
“Main character” who thought nighttime escape was accompanied by soundtrack disappointed to find themself on stationary BC plaza bike
DURHAM, NC — Duke student is “traumatized” after attempting to flee from an attacker by bike, only to find themself atop a stationary BC...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jul 22, 20242 min read
Biden drops out, of a coconut tree and forgets the context from which he came
SOMEWHERE ON AN ISLAND FAR, FAR AWAY— President Joseph Biden has come tumbling down a 40-foot coconut tree as reported last night by...
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The Fluke News Staff
Apr 1, 20243 min read
After 119 Years, The Chronicle to Disband
It all started in 1905. The first report, the first interview, and, eventually, even the first-ever divisive opinion piece. For the past...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20242 min read
Progressive! 68% of fraternity members believe same-sex kissing is fine, as long as it’s between two straight girls at one of their parties
DURHAM, N.C.—In an unprecedentedly progressive effort to “bring the rainbow” to Greek life, Alpha Delta Phi (ADPhi) opened its arms to...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20242 min read
Ozempic alternative? This middle-aged woman follows you around and calls you a fatty
SHAKER HEIGHTS, OH — Ozempic has taken the United States by storm. The promise of dropping tons of pounds has both celebrities and...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20242 min read
Lucky girl gets to relive youth by spending 30 minutes covering pimple
DURHAM, N.C.—Sarah Lerman is a pretty typical 30-something-year-old. She is unhappily married and has a steady job as an accountant. She...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20242 min read
Marine Lab Sees Increase in Applications from Confused ROTC Students
BEAUFORT, NC—Stephen Toth, Director of the Duke Marine Lab, reports a high number of ROTC students applying to the Duke Marine Lab for...
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