The Fluke News Staff
Econ 101 student suggests placing tariffs on deported immigrants to maximize trade surplus
DURHAM, N.C.— Innovation is commonplace at Duke. The Duke community strives to uplift new ideas and graduate prepared to change the...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 202 min read
Duke announces plan to brag about Ed Sheeran concert for the next 100 years
DURHAM, NC — Duke University President Vincent Price announced on Saturday a new signature initiative aimed at constantly reminding...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 202 min read
CSGD unveils The Sisteronian Societea for right-leaning members
DURHAM, NC—In response to growing anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment and action within the right-leaning organization The Ciceronian Society, the...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 202 min read
Devils deck DJ to be replaced by chapel bell rendition of “Mr. Brightside”
DURHAM, NC — Beginning in the 2025 season, music for Duke’s football games will be provided by none other than the campus’s very own...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 202 min read
Bikes on BC Plaza make statement that cycling infrastructure is in fact going nowhere
DURHAM, NC—In a win for mobility advocates on campus, stationary bikes have been installed on Bryan Center Plaza. Duke University has...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 202 min read
Biden Declares Intention to be Obama's Running Mate
WASHINGTON D.C.– President Joseph R. Biden officially confirmed last night that he was former President Barack Obama’s vice president and...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 202 min read
5 Ways To Introduce Your Situationship When You Run into Them With This Parents Weekend
DURHAM, N.C. — Worried about running into that not-so-special someone when your parents come to visit this weekend? We’ve all been there....
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 202 min read
“They fixed it all”: Duke Provost’s Forum on the Middle East prompts United Nations to disband
NEW YORK, NY—The Secretary-General of the United Nations, António Guterres, has announced the dissolution of the nearly eight-decade-old...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 202 min read
“Main character” who thought nighttime escape was accompanied by soundtrack disappointed to find themself on stationary BC plaza bike
DURHAM, NC — Duke student is “traumatized” after attempting to flee from an attacker by bike, only to find themself atop a stationary BC...
The Fluke News Staff
Jul 222 min read
Biden drops out, of a coconut tree and forgets the context from which he came
SOMEWHERE ON AN ISLAND FAR, FAR AWAY— President Joseph Biden has come tumbling down a 40-foot coconut tree as reported last night by...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 13 min read
After 119 Years, The Chronicle to Disband
It all started in 1905. The first report, the first interview, and, eventually, even the first-ever divisive opinion piece. For the past...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 262 min read
Progressive! 68% of fraternity members believe same-sex kissing is fine, as long as it’s between two straight girls at one of their parties
DURHAM, N.C.—In an unprecedentedly progressive effort to “bring the rainbow” to Greek life, Alpha Delta Phi (ADPhi) opened its arms to...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 262 min read
Ozempic alternative? This middle-aged woman follows you around and calls you a fatty
SHAKER HEIGHTS, OH — Ozempic has taken the United States by storm. The promise of dropping tons of pounds has both celebrities and...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 262 min read
Lucky girl gets to relive youth by spending 30 minutes covering pimple
DURHAM, N.C.—Sarah Lerman is a pretty typical 30-something-year-old. She is unhappily married and has a steady job as an accountant. She...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 262 min read
Marine Lab Sees Increase in Applications from Confused ROTC Students
BEAUFORT, NC—Stephen Toth, Director of the Duke Marine Lab, reports a high number of ROTC students applying to the Duke Marine Lab for...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 62 min read
"No way to prevent this:" Student drowns in Abele Quad puddle
ABELE QUAD, DUKE UNIVERSITY—Adding to the dreariness and depression brought on by the most recent round of storms to hit campus, Kent...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 192 min read
"Christian Girl Autumn" bashed for discrimination, replaced with ‘Non-denominational Person Harvest’
DURHAM, N.C.—The internet trend known as “Christian Girl Autumn” will no longer be celebrated at Duke University due to discrimination,...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 191 min read
A Capella Group “The Pitchforks” renamed “The Pitchspoons” to be more well-rounded
DURHAM, N.C.—Award-winning campus acapella group “The Pitchforks” decided last Saturday after a lively– and, at times, violent– Town...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 191 min read
Baseball player loses his daily hat; what happens now?
DURHAM, N.C.—Tragedy struck Duke Athletics this past weekend when baseball player Todd Kernel (T ’25) lost his daily hat in a horrifying...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 192 min read
Duke pledges $1 million for made free throw, “randomly selects” 90 year old English Professor
DURHAM, N.C.—The half-court challenge is a staple of the basketball game experience. Perfectly in line with the American ideals of an...
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