DURHAM, NC—When Professor Levitz asked sophomore Hannah McClade how she was, he did so out of politeness. He expected a “pretty good” or...

THE BARN—You’ve heard about it everywhere. From your lab partners to strangers in the line of shooters, even the geeds are talking about...

DURHAM, NC—While most Durham residents were annoyed by the recent storm, Durham’s novice drug smuggling community was relieved to see the...

BALDWIN QUAD—A significant crowd has gathered to worship who many are calling “the coming of a new God.” First year student Jackery...

DURHAM, N.C.—The soon-to-be-unemployed Writing 101 faculty that just so happen to be unionized are now seeking career advice after the...

THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE—Awaiting his inevitable execution, local turkey Reginald practices mindfulness, accepting that death is what gives...

CHARLOTTE, NC—As his family prepares the Thanksgiving meal together, laughing and bonding, Sophomore Nathan Richards enjoys his break by...

DURHAM, NC—A truly sustainable future is only becoming more tangible after today, University administration implemented the new “Give No...

DURHAM, NC—Johnny Crow (T ‘23) has a hard time getting his Johnny up. No matter how many gas station pills he uses, everyday is no bones...

DURHAM, NC—You don’t notice the signs until it’s too late. It starts off benign. Maybe a little Mariah Carey in the hallways. Maybe you...

DURHAM, NC—This morning, Duke revealed the mega-squirrels. When reached for comment, President Vincent Price said, “What if our beloved...

DEVIL’S KRAFTHOUSE–The Fluke News is thrilled and surprised to announce that an anonymous source (Theo John) has confirmed President...

DURHAM, NC—The wind howls against an onslaught of freezing rain as midterm grades are about to be released. But as Jacob Price (Trinity...

DURHAM, NC—After a riveting drunken debate and an internet search that took 15 minutes longer than it should have, noted roofie-master...

DURHAM, NC—Unfortunately for author Dylan Donovan, his new self-help book, Literacy for Illiterates, has struggled in book stores...

DURHAM, N.C.—In a supposed effort to combat climate change, Duke students are now required to take transportation into their own hands....

DURHAM, NC—In a press release that we only read because we had to, the Ciceronian Society expressed opposition to the widely observed...

It’s time we had a conversation about cultural appropriation. You might be thinking, “this is a tired subject, for the love of God, just...

ABELE QUADZOBOOMAFOO JUNGLE—Celebrations echoed through the Allen Building this morning after the finalization of a multi-million dollar...

HEAVEN—On a typical day in the land of the high above, ascending souls hope to spend the rest of eternity in God’s endless splendor of...