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"I'm Seeing Two of You!" Admits situationship who lost his glasses
DURHAM, N.C.— Freshman Giana Cameron’s world stopped last Saturday night after the love of her life, fellow freshman Jacob Walker,...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20241 min read
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Get this on video!: Student rides BC Plaza bikes
DURHAM, NC — This past Thursday, a great phenomenon that stands unmatched in Duke’s history occurred on the now-monumental Bryan Center...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20242 min read
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Progressive! 68% of fraternity members believe same-sex kissing is fine, as long as it’s between two straight girls at one of their parties
DURHAM, N.C.—In an unprecedentedly progressive effort to “bring the rainbow” to Greek life, Alpha Delta Phi (ADPhi) opened its arms to...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20242 min read
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Ozempic alternative? This middle-aged woman follows you around and calls you a fatty
SHAKER HEIGHTS, OH — Ozempic has taken the United States by storm. The promise of dropping tons of pounds has both celebrities and...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20242 min read
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Lucky girl gets to relive youth by spending 30 minutes covering pimple
DURHAM, N.C.—Sarah Lerman is a pretty typical 30-something-year-old. She is unhappily married and has a steady job as an accountant. She...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20242 min read
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A Capella Group “The Pitchforks” renamed “The Pitchspoons” to be more well-rounded
DURHAM, N.C.—Award-winning campus acapella group “The Pitchforks” decided last Saturday after a lively– and, at times, violent– Town...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20241 min read
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Baseball player loses his daily hat; what happens now?
DURHAM, N.C.—Tragedy struck Duke Athletics this past weekend when baseball player Todd Kernel (T ’25) lost his daily hat in a horrifying...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20241 min read
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Duke researchers find you’re the only one on campus struggling
DURHAM, N.C.—A recently published study by researchers at the Duke Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences found that you, the...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20241 min read
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Duke In Madrid student horrified to learn Spanish women are not into Americans
“¿Cómo están chicas?” bellowed out Todd Barker (T ‘25) as he walked through the Madrid Airport. Finally beginning his semester abroad,...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20241 min read
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Golden Retriever Boyfriend Sent Upstate
DURHAM, N.C.—When Melissa Peterson (P ‘24) came home late one Friday night, she was disappointed not to see Cooper (No one knows) hanging...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20241 min read
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Op-ed: Is your white friend racist or do you really look like that other guy?
It’s a tale as old as time. You’re walking and you see your white friend up ahead coming toward you. You instinctively call out their...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20242 min read
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Pescatarian reveals he adopted the lifestyle out of spite towards fish
BEAUFORT, N.C.—Steven Stephenson seems like a typical, white, 45-year-old, twice-divorced father of three, but unlike many other typical...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20242 min read
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Temperatures drop, top one-percenters can now social signal with a sweater tied around their neck
DURHAM, N.C.—Dropping temperatures in North Carolina have prompted many Duke students to transition to warmer clothing, while...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20241 min read
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Back to its roots: Wayne announces Vietnam Vets will receive bands to Waynestock
DURHAM, NC—As the seasons turn and the warm winds of summer leave us once more, frats and “seriously guys we’re not a frat”s eagerly...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20242 min read
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Anxious cannibal wants to bite your nails
BETHLEHEM, PA—Our world seems to be in constant chaos. Wars, fires, floods, coups; the news cycle feeds us tragedy after tragedy. For...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20242 min read
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Did she ghost me or does she lack object permanence?
Ever since I locked eyes with my fair Juliet on the throbbing dance floor of Shooters, kissed her sweet vodka-scented lips in an ecstasy...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20242 min read
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Girl who texted back “sorry, just saw this!” isn’t lying
DURHAM, N.C.—Confusion erupted among students this Tuesday following an unorthodox subversion of social norms by Tina Roberts (P ‘23) in...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20241 min read
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Aww! Guy in ethics class will order drone strikes one day
DURHAM, N.C—By all accounts, Jonathan Fields (T ’24) is an active and enthusiastic participant in Duke’s Human Rights Advocacy course,...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 7, 20231 min read
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Duke lookalikes club disbands after no one can tell who the real president is
DURHAM, NC — Chaos has broken out within Duke’s premiere uncanny resemblance student organization after the true identity of President...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 25, 20232 min read
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The most annoying person you know just discovered Fred Again, decided DJing is his passion <3
WILSON GYM—Corporate America is tough, and as James (T’26) walks into Wilson to clock in for his self-proclaimed “eight-hour leg day” he...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 25, 20231 min read
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