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The Fluke News Staff
Jul 1, 20202 min read
Long distance hack: Break up
LAS VEGAS, NV—So it’s been three months since you saw your boyfriend. You were madly in love in March, of course, except for when he...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jun 11, 20201 min read
Op-ed: What's the point of Duke if I can't have massive orgies?
DURHAM, NC—As Duke announces its plans to bring students to campus amidst the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic, all students should question...
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The Fluke News Staff
Apr 6, 20202 min read
Help: I’m horny in my childhood bedroom
MY HOMETOWN—As I spend another day scrolling through TikTok only to see yet another shirtless seventeen-year-old lick his fingers and jab...
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The Fluke News Staff
Apr 1, 20202 min read
Tips to stay sane while social distancing
It’s been days since you’ve gotten back to your parents house, and there’s only so many times you can argue with them about Bernie...
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The Fluke News Staff
Apr 1, 20201 min read
Open letter to Piazza: What part of “no emails” do you not fucking get?
DURHAM, NC—As classes have made their transition to the online format, many professors have turned to Piazza as a way of answering...
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The Fluke News Staff
Mar 25, 20201 min read
Op-ed: My dad's been practicing social distancing since I was born
NY, NY—Yes, I live in New York. No, I don’t have COVID-19. And my family has long been ready for this outbreak: my father—aware of the...
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The Fluke News Staff
Mar 25, 20201 min read
Op-ed: My biggest takeaway from spring break was herpes
PALM BEACH, FL—Most college students see spring break as nothing more than a week to get trashed and fuck around, but not me. For me,...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 25, 20201 min read
Op-ed: Just because we made eye contact doesn't mean I want a conversation
DURHAM, NC–Are we O-week friends? Are we in a class together and have never had a real interaction? Are all of our interactions as...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 18, 20201 min read
Op-ed: My major gives me depression and that's why I'm superior
PHYSICS BUILDING—Are you spending your weekends stressing over problem sets or midterms where the class average is a 50%? If not, move...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 16, 20201 min read
Opinion: Troy Bolton shouldn't be allowed to speak on campus
DURHAM, NC — Guys, it’s time to get our heads in the game. Under absolutely no circumstances should we let Troy Bolton on this campus....
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 10, 20202 min read
The Fluke News endorses Klobuchar and Warren for YT
Duke’s student voters must choose between four sharply divergent visions of the future. The Young Trustee selection contest is often...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 28, 20191 min read
Thanks-awkward! My girlfriend is a turkey
Yes, mom, my girlfriend is a turkey today. Is that so wrong? Why can’t she just dress in a thematically appropriate way for our dinner?...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 21, 20191 min read
Opinion: Enough leaning in. Let's tell men to lean out. Of windows.
DURHAM, NC— The recent New York Times article asking men to “lean out” and reflect on their responsibility in pushing for gender equality...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 13, 20192 min read
Joker: Not enough jokes?
DURHAM,NC - Fans say it’s one of the best comic book films since the Dark Knight and critics are praising it as Oscar-worthy. For those...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 9, 20191 min read
Opinion: Keep choking sea turtles with plastic because they too have sexual urges
DURHAM, NC—Amidst the recent fight to save sea turtles from plastic pollution, I dare ask this: have you asked the sea turtles if they...
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The Fluke News Staff
Sep 29, 20191 min read
Opinion: Don’t eat at WU while I’m there
DURHAM, NC—Everyday around 1PM, students flood the Broadhead center by the hundreds in order to get a quick meal before their next class....
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The Fluke News Staff
Sep 28, 20191 min read
Girl who used to mock my small eyes now scolding me for not embracing my culture
DURHAM, NC—Jessica Cannon, who used to love pulling at the sides of her eyes to make them “look like mine” and loudly laugh at her own...
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The Fluke News Staff
Apr 2, 20191 min read
Op-ed: End anti-Zionism, he's our best player
DURHA, NC—There’s been a lot discussion on campus about anti-zionism. Frankly, I’m horrified by the idea. To all the anti-zionists out...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 16, 20191 min read
Pee-checks: I don’t get it, but if it's what the tent needs...
K-VILLE—Like many Duke students, I am a bit apprehensive about tonight’s pee-checks. Truly, I don’t get it: why do the line monitors need...
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Jen Smith, Columnist
Feb 7, 20192 min read
Op-ed: Low income students, just ask your dad for more money
DURHAM, NC—There’s been a lot of discussion on campus in the past few days about the social, academic, and health effects that low...
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