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
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 6, 20242 min read
Op-ed: One of the suspended stairs in WU has a wee crack in it, but I won’t tell you which
DURHAM, N.C.—There I was, creeping my way through WU, silent as a mouse (as I always tend to be), when I saw it: a wee crack, right...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20242 min read
Op-ed: Is your white friend racist or do you really look like that other guy?
It’s a tale as old as time. You’re walking and you see your white friend up ahead coming toward you. You instinctively call out their...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 19, 20241 min read
Op-ed: Sometimes it’s better to pretend it’s Nutella
We’ve all been there: so eager to relieve ourselves as we hurry to the restroom only to be greeted by a Jackson Pollock image of brown on...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20242 min read
Op-Ed: I am cold
DURHAM, N.C.—The crisp mornings and the advent of dusk as the clock approaches 6:00 pm is a clear sign that fall is upon us. Thinking...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 18, 20241 min read
Op-ed: Am I toxic for chasing tour groups with sticks?
DURHAM, N.C.—These invasive tour group miscreants are bringing their pervasive vitality and youth with them when they visit, and I don’t...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
Op-ed: My roommate dropped a grape on the ground. Is he going to pick it up?
My spirit is broken. The title is a misnomer. I already know the answer. It’s no. It’s not like he doesn’t know it’s there. Move-in...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 14, 20231 min read
Op-ed: Your Emotional Support Service Animal Shouldn’t Need a Service Animal
Hear me out, y’all. Before you open Twitter and cancel me off the face of the Earth, I am not attacking Emotional Support Animals or...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20221 min read
Op-Ed: I will kill myself if I'm the comic relief character in the group Halloween costume again
I’m done. I’m so fucking done. Once I got to Duke I thought my nightmare would finally be over. I could finally get away from being the...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20222 min read
Op-Ed: Chicken Little lied for attention. Here’s why I do it too.
When my girlfriend interned at Walt Disney last summer, her manager shared with her a Google Drive folder with first-draft screenplays of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20222 min read
Op-ed: Restraining Order? Signs your Mr. Perfect is just playing hard to get
You know who I’m talking about. That dreamy guy who checks all your boxes: cute, funny, smart, with that lock of hair that falls over his...
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The Fluke News Staff
Apr 7, 20221 min read
What is a libertarian and why can’t they help me checkout a book?
PERKINS LIBRARY—One fateful day, Faye Pelosi (Trinity ’24) stumbled across the perennial problem of finding a book in the maze of Perkins...
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The Fluke News Staff
Apr 18, 20211 min read
An open letter to men studying Compsci: Golden showers don't count
BRYAN CENTER—To the men at Duke studying Computer Science: this is a letter of love. I have infinite respect for the men in both Trinity...
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The Fluke News Staff
Mar 6, 20211 min read
Op-ed: My opinion on why we’re too politically divided is unique and deserves a biweekly column
Durham, NC—In a world that claims to be more tolerant than ever, as an Anarcho-Libertarian at Duke, I have never felt more...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 25, 20212 min read
Things are going too well: A quick guide to self-sabotage
Okay, imagine this. You’re chilling on TikTok and suddenly, you sense it. Something’s different. Something’s… wrong? Let me let you in on...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20201 min read
Op-ed: I don’t think I should have gotten a B+ on the midterm essay
Now that we’ve all gotten our Philosophy 201 midterm essays back, I think it’s important to tackle a serious issue: my grade. While I...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20201 min read
Op-ed: Let's just replace the election with a “No judgement, just curious: Biden or Trump” IG poll
Let’s be honest: this is getting ridiculous. First I had to fill out the registration form, then I had to have the girl from Keohane 4D...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 9, 20202 min read
Op-ed: Masks don’t protect us, our troops do
It’s time we get real: masks do not protect us. They are flimsy little pieces of cloth that cannot even remotely compare to a US Army...
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The Fluke News Staff
Aug 26, 20201 min read
UNC: Not that safe for a safety school
CHAPEL HILL, NC—In a shocking turn of events, after testing no students and refusing to enforce coronavirus guidelines, the University of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jul 11, 20201 min read
Op-Ed: Wait, they're deporting white students too?
When I first heard that ICE is planning to deport international students who are not taking in-person classes this Fall, I was...
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