The Fluke News Staff
Op-ed: One of the suspended stairs in WU has a wee crack in it, but I won’t tell you which
DURHAM, N.C.—There I was, creeping my way through WU, silent as a mouse (as I always tend to be), when I saw it: a wee crack, right...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jan 192 min read
Op-ed: Is your white friend racist or do you really look like that other guy?
It’s a tale as old as time. You’re walking and you see your white friend up ahead coming toward you. You instinctively call out their...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 191 min read
Op-ed: Sometimes it’s better to pretend it’s Nutella
We’ve all been there: so eager to relieve ourselves as we hurry to the restroom only to be greeted by a Jackson Pollock image of brown on...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 182 min read
Op-Ed: I am cold
DURHAM, N.C.—The crisp mornings and the advent of dusk as the clock approaches 6:00 pm is a clear sign that fall is upon us. Thinking...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 181 min read
Op-ed: Am I toxic for chasing tour groups with sticks?
DURHAM, N.C.—These invasive tour group miscreants are bringing their pervasive vitality and youth with them when they visit, and I don’t...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
Op-ed: My roommate dropped a grape on the ground. Is he going to pick it up?
My spirit is broken. The title is a misnomer. I already know the answer. It’s no. It’s not like he doesn’t know it’s there. Move-in...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 14, 20231 min read
Op-ed: Your Emotional Support Service Animal Shouldn’t Need a Service Animal
Hear me out, y’all. Before you open Twitter and cancel me off the face of the Earth, I am not attacking Emotional Support Animals or...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20221 min read
Op-Ed: I will kill myself if I'm the comic relief character in the group Halloween costume again
I’m done. I’m so fucking done. Once I got to Duke I thought my nightmare would finally be over. I could finally get away from being the...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20222 min read
Op-Ed: Chicken Little lied for attention. Here’s why I do it too.
When my girlfriend interned at Walt Disney last summer, her manager shared with her a Google Drive folder with first-draft screenplays of...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20222 min read
Op-ed: Restraining Order? Signs your Mr. Perfect is just playing hard to get
You know who I’m talking about. That dreamy guy who checks all your boxes: cute, funny, smart, with that lock of hair that falls over his...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 7, 20221 min read
What is a libertarian and why can’t they help me checkout a book?
PERKINS LIBRARY—One fateful day, Faye Pelosi (Trinity ’24) stumbled across the perennial problem of finding a book in the maze of Perkins...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 18, 20211 min read
An open letter to men studying Compsci: Golden showers don't count
BRYAN CENTER—To the men at Duke studying Computer Science: this is a letter of love. I have infinite respect for the men in both Trinity...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 6, 20211 min read
Op-ed: My opinion on why we’re too politically divided is unique and deserves a biweekly column
Durham, NC—In a world that claims to be more tolerant than ever, as an Anarcho-Libertarian at Duke, I have never felt more...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 25, 20212 min read
Things are going too well: A quick guide to self-sabotage
Okay, imagine this. You’re chilling on TikTok and suddenly, you sense it. Something’s different. Something’s… wrong? Let me let you in on...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20201 min read
Op-ed: I don’t think I should have gotten a B+ on the midterm essay
Now that we’ve all gotten our Philosophy 201 midterm essays back, I think it’s important to tackle a serious issue: my grade. While I...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20201 min read
Op-ed: Let's just replace the election with a “No judgement, just curious: Biden or Trump” IG poll
Let’s be honest: this is getting ridiculous. First I had to fill out the registration form, then I had to have the girl from Keohane 4D...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 9, 20202 min read
Op-ed: Masks don’t protect us, our troops do
It’s time we get real: masks do not protect us. They are flimsy little pieces of cloth that cannot even remotely compare to a US Army...
The Fluke News Staff
Aug 26, 20201 min read
UNC: Not that safe for a safety school
CHAPEL HILL, NC—In a shocking turn of events, after testing no students and refusing to enforce coronavirus guidelines, the University of...
The Fluke News Staff
Jul 11, 20201 min read
Op-Ed: Wait, they're deporting white students too?
When I first heard that ICE is planning to deport international students who are not taking in-person classes this Fall, I was...
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