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The Fluke News Staff
Aug 18, 20211 min read
"So that's why everyone wore the same outfit," says freshman who went to Hooters instead of Shooters
Durham, NC—Bryan Jenkins, a new and slightly misinformed Blackwell resident, was disappointed to come back to his room dead sober and all...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jun 15, 20211 min read
Local police department celebrates Pride Month in style with rainbow-colored tear gas
ST. LOUIS—In honor of Pride Month, the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department has announced its commitment to be more progressive in...
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The Fluke News Staff
May 10, 20211 min read
Man frantically puts socks on choking friend’s feet before giving him mouth-to-mouth
DURHAM,NC—What could’ve been a tragic event for Michael Whitney last Wednesday night was luckily stopped short by his friend and roommate...
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The Fluke News Staff
May 10, 20212 min read
Girl confused how guy doesn't see her subtle Spotify hints that she's in love with him
Every day, I spend a few hours designing new playlists with subtle yet cryptic titles, such as “April Loving” or “We Met at the Beach” or...
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The Fluke News Staff
May 10, 20211 min read
Dear Fluke: Am I bisexual or do I just really want to be?
Dear Fluke, I’m a 19 year old, single, female-identifying college student with no kids. I’ve been dating around and have been official...
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The Fluke News Staff
May 10, 20211 min read
"I don’t have the time," says girl who spends 30 hours a week on TikTok
DURHAM, NC—Imagine this: After what was meant to be a few minutes of Tik-Tok fun time, the sun sets...things get dark...and you’ve...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 7, 20201 min read
Fluke Investigates: Does this twitter activist not realize he's white?
DURHAM, NC—White activist Daniel Yellin might be passionate about posting instagram stories about the Black Lives Matter movement and...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 9, 20201 min read
Op-ed: I won’t vote until we can ALL vote
Frankly, I’m appalled by the levels of voter suppression here in North Carolina. The gerrymandering, the ID laws, and the intricacies of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 9, 20202 min read
A comprehensive guide to analyzing your boyfriend’s childhood home on Zillow
Go ahead and put his address into Zillow. There are now a few more things you have to think about besides the fact that he and his family...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 9, 20201 min read
Voting by carrier pigeon: A bi-partisan solution
Durham, NC—Pigeons do not care about your politics. In fact, the latest New York Times poll disclosed that 0% of all pigeons were...
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The Fluke News Staff
Sep 30, 20202 min read
Missing Tandoor? These recipes will make you feel just as ethnic, but still safe
For fellow students living off campus, missing out on exotic but comfortable food from West Union is one of the biggest challenges. If...
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The Fluke News Staff
Sep 28, 20202 min read
Student re-examines sexuality after attending the wrong Swing NC event
DURHAM, NC—Wednesday night certainly did not go as expected for Duke freshmen Todd Edwards and Thalia Stein. As the freshmen couple...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jul 17, 20201 min read
Duke Researchers Discover Promising Method for Shutting Off Pain in the Human Brain: Meth
DURHAM, NC—After years of split testing, clinical trials, and car mufflers just “disappearing”, researchers in the Duke School of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Jun 3, 20202 min read
Adorable: White liberal thinks voting out Trump will end racism
DURHAM, NC—In a moment guaranteed to make you say “awwww”, local white liberal Paul James recently voiced some groundbreaking advice for...
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The Fluke News Staff
Apr 1, 20201 min read
Area Man doesn’t understand calling Asia Death a silly nickname like “COVID-19”
DURHAM, NC—Following recent developments in the state of the global pandemic known as Asia Death, one concerned citizen has had enough of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 25, 20201 min read
Girl who complains about gentrification excited for new vegan restaurant
DURHAM, NC–Recently, local activist Maya Thompson, who has bravely and openly criticized the gentrification in and around Durham, has...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 13, 20202 min read
Best places in Durham to eat alone on Valentines Day
1. Soc Psych Bathroom So you’re eating alone on Valentine’s. So what! It could be worse: you could still be dating that asshole Jordan....
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The Fluke News Staff
Sep 26, 20191 min read
Local landfill now filled with discarded signs from climate strike
LITERALLY EVERYWHERE, EARTH—Last week, Anna Li, who can’t go a second without making everything about herself, excitedly went out and...
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The Fluke News Staff
Sep 5, 20191 min read
Hurricane snore-ian: sleepy student prays for property destruction
DURHAM, NC—As Hurricane Dorian’s death toll sharply mounts, sophomore Javier Zheng lies in his dorm room curled in several warm blankets...
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The Fluke News Staff
Apr 2, 20191 min read
Duke University proposes new white rail
DURHAM, NC—In the face of mounting local criticism of Duke’s efforts to stop GoTriangle’s proposed light rail system, University...
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