The Fluke News Staff
Greek Life Isnât Greek?!?! Dismayed Freshmen Spotted in Togas on East Campus
DURHAM, N.C.â Durham fraternity members are reportedly âdeeply frustratedâ by toga-clad students swarming Greek life events. Various East...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 262 min read
Lucky girl gets to relive youth by spending 30 minutes covering pimple
DURHAM, N.C.âSarah Lerman is a pretty typical 30-something-year-old. She is unhappily married and has a steady job as an accountant. She...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 192 min read
Freshman ventures to Whole Foods, proud of themselves for bursting Duke bubble
DURHAM, N.C.âFreshman year offers a vast array of new experiences to wide-eyed youngsters, eager to spread their wings and soar into the...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 191 min read
Golden Retriever Boyfriend Sent Upstate
DURHAM, N.C.âWhen Melissa Peterson (P â24) came home late one Friday night, she was disappointed not to see Cooper (No one knows) hanging...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 181 min read
Student Studying Urban Sprawl Drives Car to East
BLUE ZONEâDuke students are world-renowned for the ways their passionate activism creates positive change. A brave group of students have...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 181 min read
Conservative NC lawmakers ban TransLoc, to be replaced with CisLoc
DURHAM, N.C.âTension grew in the Durham City Hall last Tuesday evening after a small but vocal minority of conservative council members...
The Fluke News Staff
Apr 4, 20231 min read
Impressive! Duke student says Durham residents donât scare them anymore
DURHAM, NCâLike many of her peers, Marlene Anderson (Trinity â24) has been enjoying the Duke bubble and all its exclusivity ever since...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 9, 20231 min read
American Grand Strategy shoots down hot air balloon touring Durham
DURHAM, NCâThanks to the gallant efforts of Dukeâs American Grand Strategy heroes this past weekend, Durham is saved. Durham residents...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 9, 20221 min read
Blue Tenter Says Poll Line âToo Longâ
DURHAM, NCââFollowing midterm elections on November 8th, reports have surfaced of Duke students complaining about the length of the line...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20222 min read
Running Out of Causes to Champion, PETA Turns Attention to Toppled Scooters That âLook Sadâ
DURHAM, NCâThis week, miniature gravesites could be found around campus to raise awareness for Spin scooter abuse and neglect. The...
The Fluke News Staff
Mar 14, 20221 min read
If you ever think youâre annoying, remember someone has a podcast called âSo... thatâs a thing"
DURHAM, NCâGuys, letâs face it, adulting is hard! Thank God I can sit down and listen to Becca and Brady âdo a funnyâ every Thursday...
The Fluke News Staff
Jan 16, 20221 min read
Clumsy cocaine smugglers rejoice at Durham snow storm
DURHAM, NCâWhile most Durham residents were annoyed by the recent storm, Durhamâs novice drug smuggling community was relieved to see the...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20211 min read
Local turkey accepts imminent death with surprising grace and wisdom
THE SLAUGHTERHOUSEâAwaiting his inevitable execution, local turkey Reginald practices mindfulness, accepting that death is what gives...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 21, 20211 min read
For man with erectile dysfunction, itâs always a no bones day
DURHAM, NCâJohnny Crow (T â23) has a hard time getting his Johnny up. No matter how many gas station pills he uses, everyday is no bones...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 21, 20211 min read
Girl who already put up Christmas decorations the worst person you know
DURHAM, NCâYou donât notice the signs until itâs too late. It starts off benign. Maybe a little Mariah Carey in the hallways. Maybe you...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 14, 20211 min read
New book âLiteracy for Illiteratesâ struggles to sell
DURHAM, NCâUnfortunately for author Dylan Donovan, his new self-help book, Literacy for Illiterates, has struggled in book stores...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 2, 20211 min read
Before entering heaven, God checks if you have wristband
HEAVENâOn a typical day in the land of the high above, ascending souls hope to spend the rest of eternity in Godâs endless splendor of...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20211 min read
Who is this? Asks mom every time you show her a TikTok
DURHAM, NCâAn innocent child wants to share a meme with her mother. Little does she know which fatal question is to come. This is the...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 1, 20212 min read
God admits Chapel Hill was a mistake, plans flood
CHAPEL HILL, NCâOn Wednesday, September 23, 2021, Father Scott OâMcSullihan received a surprise guest at confession at local parish, Our...
The Fluke News Staff
Aug 31, 20211 min read
Breaking: Shooters purchased by Duke to house COVID-positive students
DURHAM, NCâKim Catesâs decision to shut down Shooters II may have been a surprise to many, but not to the Duke administration, who made a...
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