The Fluke News Staff
A Candid Interview with an Air Force 1
THE BARN—Fluke Investigative contributor Cameron Jruikshonk met with one of the top Duke Forces, Mr. Eugene Forty, in this special...
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The Fluke News Staff
Feb 26, 20231 min read
“The most fun you’ll never want to have again!” says SNU Pledge missing eye, finger
DURHAM, NC—It is once again that time of year; despite Duke’s best efforts, fraternities and sororities have successfully executed spring...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 22, 20231 min read
“Pssst… Hey! You should eat with me until my friend comes,” student desperately whispers to spider
BRODHEAD CENTER—Pathetic little ratperson Cam Emerson (Trinity ‘25) sat alone outside Il Forno eating their soggy Sazon bowl for almost...
The Fluke News Staff
Feb 22, 20231 min read
"That's MY Secret Spot:" Vincent Price bans white tenting after Sex Dungeon added to scavenger hunt.
DURHAM, N.C.––When Vincent Price entered the Allen Building basement one Tuesday night, he didn’t expect to be greeted by a crowd of...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20221 min read
WU Restaurants Respond Reasonably to Inflation by Doubling Prices
DURHAM, NC—Every restaurant in the Brodhead Center has unanimously voted to double prices in response to national inflation rates—just...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20222 min read
A capella member lacks pep on stage, later lacks heartbeat
DURHAM, NC—Duke’s a capella groups are known for their jaunty demeanors, out-of-date medleys, and now, attempted murder. The “Note Takers...
The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20221 min read
Fluke Analytics Report: Petite, docile men get the most maduros at Sazón
THE SAZÓN LINE—Frustrated because you’re not getting enough maduros at Sazón? According to a recent study, you may need to get on the...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20222 min read
Running Out of Causes to Champion, PETA Turns Attention to Toppled Scooters That “Look Sad”
DURHAM, NC—This week, miniature gravesites could be found around campus to raise awareness for Spin scooter abuse and neglect. The...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20222 min read
Waynestockings: Shapely calves and “astonishing elegance” displayed in annual Swan Lake performance
THE BARN—As the sweet sigh of violin music rises over the beer-soaked field, a hush falls over the crowd of over 10,000 spectators. Grips...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 26, 20221 min read
Duke Student Boldly Displays Individuality by Wearing Duke Sweatshirt
UNIVERSITY STORE—When he donned his Duke sweatshirt Tuesday, Andrew Astor III could feel a weight being lifted off his shoulders. “It was...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20221 min read
Ciceronian Society announces its own climate pledge: burning barrels of oil for fun
ABELE QUAD—In the aftermath of Duke’s recent climate commitment announcement, campus’ leading band of intellectuals and deep thinkers has...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20221 min read
P-Edge dissolves after members P-Cum
DURHAM, NC—In an effort to decrease Experiential Orientation program costs, P-Edge dissolves after administrations let members P-cum. In...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20221 min read
Duke falling dangerously behind Ivies in number of war criminals produced
DURHAM, NC—Duke’s dramatic fall this year from No. 9 to No. 10 in the U.S. News Rankings has many students and administrators wondering...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20221 min read
Leaked Duke Dining food point budgeting plan offers free gastric balloons to football game attendees
DURHAM, NC—A leaked draft of Duke Dining’s “targeted” food point budgeting email generously offers gastric balloons to students in order...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20221 min read
In effort to avoid grass, Duke to offer mudpatch
Durham, NC– Duke administration released a statement last Thursday, announcing that the Board of Trustees has become aware of growing...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20221 min read
Fraternities struggling as cocaine shipments delayed by mailroom
BRYAN CENTER, NC—Following delays in the Duke University Mail room, students– specifically members of off-campus Greek organizations–...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20222 min read
The Fluke's top 5 tips to avoid being mistaken for a predator as you "study" at Wilson Gym
DURHAM, NC–We’ve all been there. Our laptops sitting on a comically small table, loud groans drenching our ears from every possible...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20221 min read
Pike gets full five stars on Rate My Aggressor
DURHAM, NC—The brothers of Pi Kappa Alpha at Duke have finally been recognized for their constant commitment and hard work. After years...
The Fluke News Staff
Oct 19, 20221 min read
Duke Climate Commitment just Vincent Price turning off lights, putting water bottle in the recycling
PAGE AUDITORIUM—Many have been wondering what exactly Duke’s “Climate Announcement” was about late last week. This reporter has...
The Fluke News Staff
Sep 30, 20221 min read
New Five Dollar Deal is just Five Sazón Beans
DURHAM, NC—In response to student complaints about campus dining raising prices for smaller portions, Duke Dining administrators have...
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