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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20241 min read
West House dresses up as a mold-free dorm for halloween
DURHAM, N.C.— On the evening of October 31st, an eerie silence spread across East Campus’s West House. Out of its 90 hostages, not a...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20241 min read
Former McDonald's employee spotted fixing new Marketplace ice cream machine
DURHAM, NC — Just hours into its reveal, the brand new soft-serve machine in East campus’s Marketplace broke, breaking the hearts of...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20241 min read
Econ major points out that if you were to then you probably could systemize as long as you do and account for that
DURHAM, N.C. — If there’s one takeaway every Duke student has during their time in University, it is the grandeur of the Econ major....
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20242 min read
Duke students deemed enemies of democracy after revelation that 0% of current undergrads voted in pivotal 2000 election
DURHAM, N.C.—A recent study conducted by the Pew Research Center sent shockwaves through Duke’s campus. According to the nonpartisan fact...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 25, 20241 min read
"I'm Seeing Two of You!" Admits situationship who lost his glasses
DURHAM, N.C.— Freshman Giana Cameron’s world stopped last Saturday night after the love of her life, fellow freshman Jacob Walker,...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20242 min read
White guy with buzzcut and zero self-awareness afraid of people finding out he's Republican
DURHAM, N.C.—While Jackson Reagan (P ‘27) loves a lot of things about Duke, he takes issue with one tiny aspect of the school. “When I...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20242 min read
RAs hold baked goods for freshman in new Hansel and Gretel scheme
DURHAM, N.C.— Following Tuesday’s school-wide Residential Assistant (RA) assembly, a new plan has been announced to foster a familial...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20242 min read
Pretentious much? This “guy” says he “read” a “whole book” for “fun”
DURHAM, N.C.—Due to the prevailing stereotype that Duke students are smug, haughty, upper-class young people, many students have gone to...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20242 min read
Nope, not touching it: Stuff is probably going down in the Middle East but we’re applying for jobs
DURHAM, N.C.—Alarming reports have been pouring in for over a year now that there are things currently happening in the Middle East. More...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20242 min read
Meet “Misery Lot,” parking for the proletariat
DURHAM, N.C.—Even the grubbiest little freshman is familiar with “Miracle Lot,” the collection of notoriously elusive parking spaces at...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 10, 20241 min read
Marxist student receives Laundrymen service
DURHAM, N.C.—While not studying for his economics classes, Max Lennon (T ‘26) can often be found on campus perusing various leftist...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 6, 20242 min read
Op-ed: One of the suspended stairs in WU has a wee crack in it, but I won’t tell you which
DURHAM, N.C.—There I was, creeping my way through WU, silent as a mouse (as I always tend to be), when I saw it: a wee crack, right...
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The Fluke News Staff
Nov 6, 20242 min read
Toddlers flock to swing states with promise of playground fun
HARRISBURG, PA — As the election rapidly approaches, countless reports have emerged of toddlers escaping the grasps of their parents and...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 24, 20241 min read
Students desperately try to piece together professor’s life from 3 second flashes of their YouTube recommendations
DURHAM, N.C.—To most of her students, Spanish Professor Jennifer Hart is an enigma. While most professors mention some biographical...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 23, 20242 min read
Project Wild freshmen instructed not to shower all semester
DURHAM, NC—Controversy arose last night after a whistleblower leaked secret instructions from Project Wild orientation leaders, telling...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 23, 20241 min read
Celebrating Duke’s Centennial: The Short History of How Duke’s “Angry and Abstinent” Club Became Today’s Line Monitors
DURHAM, N.C.— Ever wonder what could possess a person to call a P-Check at 3 am in 30-degree weather? Look no further than Duke’s elite...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20241 min read
Greek Life Isn’t Greek?!?! Dismayed Freshmen Spotted in Togas on East Campus
DURHAM, N.C.— Durham fraternity members are reportedly “deeply frustrated” by toga-clad students swarming Greek life events. Various East...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 22, 20242 min read
Get this on video!: Student rides BC Plaza bikes
DURHAM, NC — This past Thursday, a great phenomenon that stands unmatched in Duke’s history occurred on the now-monumental Bryan Center...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 21, 20242 min read
Duke ID Replaced by Duke Ego
DURHAM, NC—On Wednesday, Vincent Price stood proudly alongside Duke psychology professor Ligmund Sneud on the concrete platform of BC...
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The Fluke News Staff
Oct 21, 20242 min read
Depressed student surprised to get his picture taken: “Oh you meant THAT kind of chapel headshot"
DURHAM, N.C.—Mass confusion has spread around campus after several students who intended to contact Duke Chapel Headshots—a professional...
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